just sayin'...

Not to detract from the lovely moment of maturity and responsibility that was the transfer of power to President Obama, but it would've been awfully nice if someone had bribed the Marine Band to replace "Hail to the Chief" with "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead".

the inaugural address in my mind

My fellow... hang on, I'm hyperventilating.

Whoo. Okay.

My fellow citizens.

Holy. Fucking. SHIT.

FUCK.

Look at this. Are you seeing this? I'm the fucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA now. President Barack Hussein Obama! I took the oath and everything. I mean, fuck! Is that cool, or is that cool?

Jesus FUCK! Can you fucking believe this? Look, see that house over there? The big white one? That's my house now. I live there. That's where I'm going to give my speeches and sign legislation and shit. Over there, that's my helicopter. I have my own 747. The fucking President. Me.

Jesus Christ in a chicken basket. This is completely fucking amazing.

Thank you, and God bless America.

Eight years later...

I just have to ask, how did The Onion get this so completely right?

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend."